Rotten Tomatoes score: 31%
It's time to put hard times behind! Get all the bad things off your mind.
When I was in the 4th grade, Nickelodeon rolled out All That, a sketch-comedy show featuring a teenage cast. It included such brilliant and subtly-executed characters as Walter the Earboy, a high school student with oversize ears; Randy and Mandy, two cooking show hosts who put chocolate in all their food; Pierre S. Cargot, who lived in a bathtub and taught such valuable French phrases as "Why is your butt talking?" in an accent no Frenchman could understand; and of course, H. Ross Perot, as portrayed by a twelve-year-old girl.
But the most popular sketch by far was "Good Burger," featuring Kel Mitchell as a parody of the stupid teenagers who are so widely reputed to work at fast food restaurants. Ed was so dumb that when a customer complained that his burger was well-done instead of rare, Ed took it as a compliment. (That particular sketch aired after the Jack in the Box E. coli scandal, so I doubt any fast food restaurants were still offering rare burgers, but that's neither here nor there.)
In the grand tradition of Saturdary Night Live, Nickelodeon decided to spin off this sketch into a critically panned movie. By 1997, Kel Mitchell had already been paired with his All That co-star Kenan Thompson in a sitcom called Kenan & Kel. Although this movie has no connection to that show, they clearly wanted to recapture its cast dynamics, with Kenan playing the flappable straight man to Kel's dangerously incompetent idiot. Dan Schneider returns from the sketch as the high-strung manager, and he's joined by Shar Jackson as Good Burger's only competent employee (and Kenan's eventual love interest in a pointless sublot) and, unbelievably, Abe Vigoda as a Good Burger lifer named Otis. Also appearing are Carmen Electra as a sinister vamp who tries to seduce Ed and Sinbad as a disco dude so out of touch that he's flattered to be compared to Shaft.
Dexter (Kenan) is looking forward to a summer vacation with no responsibilities, but when he drives his mother's car without permission and gets into an accident with his teacher Mr. Wheat (Sinbad), he has to take a summer job to pay for the damages. He finds work at Mondo Burger, the world's most ridiculously high-class burger joint, but the psycho owner Kurt (Jan Sweiterman) fires him on his first day.
Thus Dexter has to fall back on Good Burger, the mom-and-pop fast food restaurant across the street. Good Burger is struggling financially, largely because they have yet to fire Ed, even after he bathes in the milkshake machine. Now that Mondo Burger is in town, they may finally go out of business.
Luckily, Dexter discovers that Ed has a special sauce recipe that could bring patrons back to Good Burger. Kurt, however, is so hell-bent on monopolizing the local burger market that he hires Carmen Electra to use her wiles to acquire Ed's secret recipe. It doesn't work, so Kurt immediately stoops to attempted murder, which I guess is what anybody would do, right? He poisons Ed's sauce and calls in a favor with a mental hospital so corruptly managed that it is willing to confine two teenagers and Abe Vigoda for no reason. Fortunately they escape just in time to stop Good Burger's customers from eating the contaminated food.
It turns out that Kurt has been using illegal food additives to increase the mass of his burgers, in violation of the laws of the United States and thermodynamics. Dexter and Ed break into Mondo Burger and sabotage its operations, putting Kurt out of business for good.
This movie was pretty ludicrous. It had to be, given its source material. It pains me to admit that All That doesn't quite hold up for me anymore, but really, I think that was the point. Nickelodeon has always had its finger on the pulse of what kids think is funny, and yes, kids think it's funny when a dumb teenager gives a fast food patron a cocker spaniel puppy instead of a burger.
Really, apart from the character of Ed, this movie has very little to do with the sketch. They were careful to throw in a couple of scenes where Ed screws up some customer's order, which was the entire concept of the TV version, but most of the running time is dedicated to a plot that would have had no place in a sketch comedy show. This can be done well, as in Wayne's World, and it can be done horrendously, as in MacGruber. Good Burger is somewhere in between.
I think the most genuinely funny line in the movie occurs during a shoehorned-in, unconvincing character-building moment where Dexter is bearing his soul to Ed. Dexter explains that he doesn't even remember what his deadbeat dad looks like, to which Ed replies: "I don't remember what my dad looks like either, but at least I get to see him every day." Actually, maybe the funniest line is Abe Vigoda's "I think I broke my ass." That made me laugh because he said "ass" in a kids' movie.
But really, just listen to this theme song. How can you listen to that and not feel good about your life?
Fun Fact: The customer who received the cocker spaniel was played by Sherman Hemsley. Someone find that episode.
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