Rotten Tomatoes score: 66%
Even though this came out on the Fourth of July, it is set at Christmas time (for what reason I can't say), so it makes the list. Now, I know what you're thinking—1988's Die Hard 1 is also set at Christmas, so why use a sequel?
I have three reasons: First, because I remember it better; Second, because I like it better; and Third, because of this:
And this:
So just to be clear, I am reviewing the TBS edited-for-television version of Die Hard 2, which recounts the thrilling tale of John McClane, a tough-as-nails cop who never swears, but replaces all profanity by bizarre euphemisms, and lapses into a freakish caricature of his normal voice every time he does so.
The story begins one year after the events of Die Hard 1, in a parallel universe where 1990 was the next year after 1988. John McClane is visiting Our Nation's Capital, and we meet him on a snowy day at Dulles Airport awaiting the arrival of his wife (Bonnie Bedelia). Unfortunately, before the flight can land, McClane gets into a violent altercation with a couple of shady characters. He believes the thugs are part of something bigger and more dangerous, but the airport's police captain, Dennis Franz, is obligated by the plot to belittle McClane and dismiss his well-founded suspicions. (I wonder which sets off the metal detector first: the lead in his [head], or the [junk] in his brains?)
It turns out that the crooks are working for Colonel Stuart, whose evil plan is to intercept the incoming military plane extraditing a tin-pot dictator and drug lord named Esperanza from the (fictional) Latin American country of Val Verde into the (real) North American country of the United States. If you saw the first Die Hard, you were probably expecting this dictator business to be a cover for a more mundane heist scheme, but no, they really are trying to free this guy.
Of course, if Dennis Franz had moved his fat [feet] when John McClane told him to, they could have nipped Stuart's plan in the bud; instead, they find themselves hip-deep in [snow] when the bad guys cut off air-traffic communications and power, leaving all incoming planes stuck circling over Dulles. McClane realizes that his wife is on one of the planes these guy's are [foolin'] with, so he decides to take on the bad guys with or without Dennis's help. Before long he's up to his [neck] in terrorists again.
When the villains wreck a plane to prove they mean business, even Dennis can't deny the seriousness of the situation, so he calls in an Army Special Forces team to save the day. McClane suspects the Special Forces leader Major Grant of being a [rascal], but Grant assures McClane he's "your kind of [rascal]." But after a snowmobile shootout, McClane realizes that the Special Forces team has gone rogue, and their weapons are loaded with blanks. He decides to prove this to Dennis Franz in the most discreet way possible, by firing away at him with a blank-loaded machine gun in the presence of a roomful of cops.
Meanwhile, in one of the planes circling the airport, Bonnie Bedelia has been fulfilling her contractual sequel obligation by trading angry dialogue with Dick Thornburg, the tabloid reporter whose yellow journalism endangered the McClane family last year. It turns out the [stupid arrogant psychopath] is at it again, transmitting from the airplane lavatory and panicking the travelers snowed in at the airport. Bonnie stops his obnoxious but non-violent meddling by shooting him with a tazer, which seems like an outrageously gratuitous act of violence, but then again this is a movie where a guy is about to get sucked into a jet engine.
Back on the ground, McClane has just minutes to stop Colonel Stuart and Major Grant from spiriting Esperanza away in a commandeered 747. McClane jumps from a helicopter onto the wing of the plane, where he does battle with Grant and Stuart in turn. I won't give away how Grant dies (because I just gave it away in the previous paragraph), but during the fight with Stuart, McClane opens the fuel hatch before falling from the wing. He lights the leaking fuel ablaze, and the plane explodes. In case this was not a sufficiently cartoony ending, the stranded planes now use the wreckage to visualize the runway and land safely.
I said earlier that I liked this movie better than Die Hard 1, but honestly I think that's just because I don't remember the first one that well. This one is (even) more over-the-top than its predecessor, which I like, but on the other hand, it reduces Sergeant Carl Winslow's role to a brief cameo, and the principal from The Breakfast Club doesn't even make an appearance.
But in spite of those egregious lapses of judgment, this movie is
Now it's what you've all been waiting for, the True Meaning of Christmas, according to Die Hard 2: Die Harder:
1. It's important for spouses to spend time rescuing each other from violent death.
Yeah, that's kind of a reach. Sorry.
2. Danger never takes a holiday.
But you knew that when you became an invincible action-movie protagonist.
3. Sequels can be worth watching, as long as they have at least one scene with Carl Winslow.
Did you know that both Die Hard and Die Hard 2 are based on books, but the books have nothing to do with each other? Carl Winslow's not in either of them.
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