Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Brink!

Greg Beeman, 1998
Buzzfeed article ranking: 1

I've got a million things going round in my head, and I never really paid attention what you said. No, and now I wish that I would've said goodbye, but it's much too late, and all I do is give, and all you do is take. You've got to look before you leap—Take a good look at your so-called friends. Yeah, that's the company you keep. They've got the words coming at you from all directions.

This is the movie that taught us all the valuable lesson that it is immoral to have a job you enjoy.

Erik von Detten stars as Andy "Brink" Brinker, an homage to the original soul-skater, Hans Brinker. Along with his best buds Gabriella (who also played Taina, for those keeping score), Peter (who was in So Weird), and Jordy, he likes to spend every second of his free-time engaged in what Wikipedia informs me is called "aggressive in-line skating." (Lest we confuse it with the ever-popular defensive in-line skating.)

The Soul-Skaters don't skate for money or fame, which doesn't really seem unusual, but the movie is at pains to convince us that most rollerbladers are venal, self-aggrandizing professionals. Worst of all is Val Horrigan, captain of Team X-Bladz (pronounced "blades," not "blads"), for whom aggressive in-line skating is nothing but a way to make a quick buck and an excuse to act like a comic book villain.

(Val was played by actor Sam Horrigan—no relation, I assume. I encourage you to look him up on Wikipedia, where you will see that he looks exactly like a comic book villain to this day. And I mean exactly. I'm not kidding.)

Brink's family is struggling, with his father Ralph out of work on disability, and the situation is so dire that Brink feels the temptation to betray his code and join Team X-Bladz. Ralph is none too keen on the idea, especially since Brink has been suspended from his high school for in-line skating (aggressively, no less) on school grounds. So Brink goes behind his parents' and his friends' backs and goes over to the dark side.

Ralph gets Brink a job at Pup 'n' Suds, a ridiculously-named dog grooming business, so now Brink must juggle a job, an additional secret job, school, and his friends and family. Eventually, he gets busted, and his friends desert him for being a sell-out. When Ralph learns the truth, he reminds Brink that skating is just a hobby, not his identity. For reasons that are not satisfactorily explained, this means that it is unacceptable for him to be paid handsomely for participating in that hobby.

Brink patches things up with his friends by requesting an advance on his Pup 'n' Suds paychecks in order to sponsor a skating team of his own to enter in the upcoming tournament. Wait, didn't he take that job to help out his family? Well, never mind, because Ralph has just been informed that, because of unrelated but convenient off-screen events, he will be returning to his job soon.

Team Pup 'n' Suds seems outclassed by the pros at Team X-Bladz, but their lack of concern with winning causes them to win, even in spite of Val's unsportsmanlike conduct.

It comes as no surprise to me that this movie was ranked number one. Brink! marked the beginning of an era in Disney Channel movies, and it set the standard that Alley Cats Strike and Genius would attempt to live up to. Also, this scene is in it.

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